Today I biked to sausalito and back, now I'm making potato salad. Making the potato salad is harder.
Biking was fun, and I felt accomplished when I finished. I think I will feel more accomplished if the potato salad turns out well!
that is all

Warren Ellis has a Webcomic?! Wheeee!!!!

Like clockwork every friday at 2:15am the party train parks in my living room waking me up up after a 12 hour day when I have to work another one in 6 hours..



fuck



sigh













sleeep........whine

Ok, maybe I'm a prude or a paranoid, but I'm tired of finding strangers asleep on my couch, after my roommates have a night out on the town, which apparently is full of nubile young men. They freaked out when a crazy guy came in our back window, "what if he had been a rapist, or a serial killer?" What if ONE of the many people you've brought home since we moved here is a crazy killer, or even just a petty thief? The Germans, The god, The dj, the hipsters (um yo thought you hated hipsters), the whatever else you bring home, and... IT"S A FUCKING TUESDAY!!!! It's time to have a conversation with my roommates, and I think it's getting high time to move out. I just can't keep up with their lifestyle, and they're not even that bad. But I can't afford to go to brunch on sundays, and have drinks on a monday and split 180 dollars on party that 10 people came to none of whom are my friends. I can't even pay for cable.

Anywho,
time to go to the theater.

So my duet Use Me, performed by myself and Naomi Chamblin, won the producers choice in San Jose Choreopoject awards this weekend. Which is a nice little acclamation (definitely little, most of  the work I saw was of a fairly mediocre level).

Anyways I have a ton of my own stuff coming up in April not to mention Kelly Kemp's show the weekend after this one (and then NY!).

In April I will be premiering three new(ish) pieces.
April 5th an 6th 
A Solo for myself in
Pilot 52 Chasing Space
title
n L v ng Mem  y o  D ni lle  ath  ine Kal  ’Ip   na kalani D Matta

April 12th
The Cookie and Milk Conundrum at Levydances Salon

April 15th an 16th
A new longer version of the duet currently available to watch on YOUtube.
www.youtube.com/Gushuedance

THen over the summer hopefully a month on the east coast
Maybe curating a show.

September
Either beginning to Apply for grad schools and/or actually starting a company and/or working towards having a full evening of work for the spring.

Last Weekend - 4 performances at the Russian Festival with Firebird Dance Theater

Tonight and Tomorrow night - Do you know the Color of God?  - a  solo choreographed by Paco Gomes, performing at the Black Choreographer's Festival in Oakland, CA

Sunday - Audition for Jacob's Pillow

Next Weekend - First feedback showing for my new solo for Pilot

Feb 22nd 23rd - My work Use Me with Naomi Chamblin at San Jose Choreoprojects

March 6-8 Dancing in Kelly Kemp's new work Sketches of Inaddequecy  at Dance Mission Theater

March 13-15th Going to ACDFA at SUNY Brockport (to visit Becky but I'll be taking class)

April 4th and 5th Premier Solo at ODC Commons Pilot 52

April 12th - Just invited by Ben Levy to make new work for their Salon series

April 18th and 19th - Premier trio for Naomi, Alexis and Mair at The Garage's Move(men)t show

May something Paco Gomes concert

Oh and rehearsal everyday except for while I'm visiting Becky

I'm feeling pretty depressed, I'm hoping it's just the weather. I feel like an awful dancer, fat, lazy. I miss Becky, and I don't know if I can afford to go and see her. I just want to... I don't even know. I had a really awful anxiety attack this weekend in the middle of watching a performance, it's one of the worse ones I've had. 

Idea for a new piece.
Title and inspiration borrowed from my piece this past semester which was called "Accommodating the residual echoes of emotions birthed by consistent postive & negative self-indulgence brought on by the aftershock of serious personal trauma or" This new piece will be called "Accommodating the residue or". The previous piece's theme was delving into the ghosts of tragedy and pulling out individual stories and their effects, this new piece will be about delving into the same and different memories from various minds vantage points, which in specifically  Chronologically  inconsistent, some peoples memories are someone else's future and other memories characters don't adhere to the subjects age. So someone who was 2 in the event will be 22 in the memory of that event.... Anyways it will be for about 10 dancers. A clip of the piece that I previously worked on can be found Here. My piece no roses no words initially was about looking at women (perhaps aspects of the same woman) who are  in various places in their personal histories, who not really  meet up because in the real world they are  separated by time somehow are revealed to us simultaenously. I hope at least some of this makes sense tomorrow. PS Hey Nikki and Mattisse I think the first time I smoked was with you two, Kiele may have been there and it was after some show and we were by the goucher pond on the bench and then we went to DVA. well anyways.... thanks
I may have left something out
Indian food = grawesome, which in this case means great/awesome.which in some cases may mean either grizzly/awesome for those kinda scruffy awesome things, grin/awesome for those giddy mofos, or the obvious green/awesome which either means an awesome thing which is green, or alternately a green thing which turns out to be awesome.
(pause while I go eat somemore chicken tikka masala to further analyze and describe) CONCLUSION:
I don't care if it's not authentic indian food it's GRAWESOME (see above) and I like to lick the soupy sauce of my fingers like barbecue sauce of a steak!!!!!

Hey there friends,
I finally figured out how to get my work on to my computer and subsequently onto Youtube, I hope to get more on there later. At least the whole Acommodating the Residue (which was not it's original name), other stuff as it becomes available. But if you haven't or if you have seen my work I would love to have you check it out again.
Thankee!

Wonderful wonderful wonderful New Years with my girl... Back in SF now, which I love, but having anxiety attacks about work. I don't know. I've been saying that alot, I don't know why I'm scared, I don't know what I'm doing, I don't know why it's hard, I don't know why I'm lazy. I don't know if I'm talented or  crazy for thinking I might be talented, or crazy for thinking I'm not talented.  I finished 'The long way down' by Nick Hornby  on the plain. It was pretty good. A fast read at least. I like the idea that I don't have to be a successful dancer or choreographer to be happy dancing and choreographing. The thing I've been trying to tell myself, and keep having to remind myself of is that I have to do what I'm interested in, I can't try and do something important, I can't think ok this is where dance is heading if I want to be revolutionary I gotta go a step ahead that way. Just do what's interesting to me, with an eye for making it interesting to others as well so it's not just artistic masturbation. I'm worried I won't be dancing for the russians anymore, the producer is no longer going to be working on the show I just did with them and she's the one that pays my billz, I love Lotta, but I'm not going out their twice a week if I'm not getting paid to be there. I'm not even sure I would do it if I got paid less. I need to be working more not less... I hate anxiety, I thought I was done with it. Thank god I have Becky, she's been wonderful.

Hey Y'all!

I will be in DC from the 25th to the 30th or 31st If you're going to be around that area at all hit me up!! I'm debating whether to go to NYC on the 30th to hang out, any opinion either way? Will anyone be there to hang out avec?

Hurray for the left coast

and Merry Xmas from Solja Bear



ps... that's me

I arrived in Bmore last night after a long flight from Oakland. The second half of which was filled with excellent with two very nice femalep power lifters. Shleigh picked me up at the airport and we had an excellent evening hanging out in Fell's. Good Beer, good dancing, good company. Yesterday, me and Shleigh went for a walk in Patterson Park and saw some ducks (some SERIOUSLY EVIL DUCKS!!!!) and I was attacked by a pack of hoodlums/played with some neighborhood kids on the playground. Then Stylish and Adri and Shleigh and me went to Little Italy for delicious pastries (SO EXCITED FOR MY LEFTOVERS) then Pasta Mista (SPAGHETTI PIZZA!). I love San Fran, but I can't imagine not ending up back on the East coast. Fall in Maryland is Beautiful!
Dance Concert was great, RHB concert was great, after party was quite fun. I like the people here at Goucher. they are good people!

Gosh this mix wants to induce the production of saline and expel it from my tear ducts. Nikki I hope you are reading this, as I know you are a major Nick Drake fan, you can not afford to not listen to John Martyn's  "May You Never," but you might cry. Furthermore Dave Van Ronk covers Joni Mitchell's "Urge For Going." 
I'm going home for thanksgiving Yeay. I might be staying in SF for christmas... not so yeay.
Ok

also dan stein

Ok.... I was trying to right something about wosdem/I mean wisdom but it was way to hard. Stupid swimming words, hehe it would be letter funny if I wrote swords!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   ok enough exclamation points. Hurrican should check her message, and save it for me to hear next week, because I stored my russian message and we can totally prepare for comparsino, haha which totally sounds better than comparison, caMParSiiinoooo!!!!!!!!!! wait what will we wear when we white women win, IN other WORDS how are cool are WORDS. Look how I can use words  including the word word to talk about words. WORD WORD say it out loud like a giant mountain BEERD (bird).

Alain make this into a song so I can dance to it, and we can both express with out a single... yep you got it. 

oh dear, time for...beer?
oh NOOO, typing to slooow
OH MY! I'm so high
oh lord, it's coming toward....
oh PHEW, we hid in the pew
OH SHIt, we're in for it
oh FiE on YOU good sir (yeah I know that one doesn't rhyme, but I needed an excuse to say Purrr!)
oh SNAP, you look fiIIIne in that
OH oh....




that's what she SAID



THe end, so the funny thing is the thing I said to/about alain I hadn't written this yet and was talking about the teXt appearing above the aforementioned reference to a schmeeze.

COMMENT AWAY










jump into the fray

and finally by the way  pleas look up something on you tube? I don't remember, i think it was more specific.

Step 1: Put your iPod or whatever on random.
Step 2: Post the 1st line from the first 30 songs that play, no matter how embarrassing the song. And it doesn't have to be perfect if you can't understand the lyrics word for word.
Step 3: Let everyone guess what song and artist the lines come from.
Step 4: Star (*) the songs when someone guesses correctly.
Step 5: Looking them up on Google or any other search engine is CHEATING!

I went down to the river, but the river was dry
whoaaa tell me baby, what you got on your mind
aaaaaa Baby don't you do it
There something rude about destiny
It's 3 oclock in the morning, or maybe it's 4

Winter Wine, are you always flowing, blowing in my mind
Ready, Steady, Go
Raise your right hand
I got my discharge from Fort Irwin
The Nightingale sent to me

You got a real type of thing, going down, getting down
2nd avenue
Hold on to love, that is what I do
One door opens, the other shuts behind
There I stood on the street

I did you wrong, my heart went out to play
and so Annie waits
Exodus
Now she's thinking of the red soil
The second star to the right

Where is my love?
You can tease me, tease me baby
Moon hangs in the night
In our castle in Spain
Now's the time for all good men

Breakin my back just to know your name
I'm wishing on a star
I tried so hard my dear to show
Standing out on the edge of a building
Well, the heat is so great

I've been thinking recently about what I would want to leave with who if I died, most of the things I would give people aren't something that can really be given, they aren't things. But here is a somewhat preliminary list that I"m making up as I go along.
I would leave my dances to Becky
I would leave my San Francisco dream and life to Nikki
I would leave my sister Helen with the good luck and breaks that I've gotten
I would leave my sister Margaret with what little ability I have to deal with the dark things that have to be faced from time to time
I would leave my sister Alice with... I don't know why this one is taking me so long... I think we share a certain social nature, I guess my ability to make friends in almost any situation
I would leave Nora with my boundless energy, which she already possesses
I would leave Lucy with my faith that in the future things will suck less
I'd like to give Steve the ability to put my/himself first and not feel guilty about it, at least sometimes

others may follow this...
Looking back at it, it seems kind of egotistical? As if I actually posses those things.... which maybe I don't, I donno.

Don't worry, I'm not planning on going anywhere, but.... yeah
Also all my worldy possesions go to whoever can grab them the quickest